The Struggle as a Junior in High School (by a Junior in High School):

The Holiday season and just any occasion that involves being around family, which is usually a time I look forward to, has formed a bitter taste in my mouth. Now, it’s not anything personal. I love my family. However, the conversations I have with them during these occasions are ones I dread. Let me give you a rundown on how these long, fatuous conversations go at the dinner table. First of all, I try my best to stay as quiet and furtive  as possible so that they, hopefully, forget I’m even there. Of course, that never works because the question is directed at me, and only me, because I AM A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL!! VERY HIGH STATUS!! They start by saying, “Jazlyn,” you know, all careful to make sure their countenance is soft and encouraging, “how’s school?” MY FAVORITE QUESTION EVER!! Honestly, I could be dying on the floor, gasping for air, torpor as I lie in agony, and I swear they would ask “how’s school” as opposed to “ARE YOU OKAY?” Anyway, I pretend to think real hard about the question—as if that was the most profound question I’ve ever been asked in my entire life—and I finally say, “as good as school could get!” I say so wry just to push their buttons a little as they’ve done to mine. They all look at each other, unable to find the right way to go about the rest of the conversation since I gave them absolutely nothing to work with. But then, they ask my ACTUAL favorite question in the whole wide world. This question is so ethereal and keen that they feel the need to ask it every single time they see me because no answer in the entire world will ever live up to what that amazing question offers. They say “Jazlyn,” all nonchalant as if they do not expect an answer notable enough to be included in Proverbs, “what do you want to do when you’re older?” You know, when my mind amalgamates into a ball of pointless thoughts, I always think about why they always ask that question. It’s a stupid thought because I know the answer. They ask me “what I want to do when I’m older” BECAUSE I AM A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL AND KNOW MY ENTIRE FATE AND KNOW THE MEANING OF LIFE AND I, APPARENTLY, KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE AS A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD BECAUSE CAREERS DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE ANY  MUTABILITY AT ALL!!!!! Before I answer the question, I sit straighter. I look carefully at everyone around the dinner table and take a nice deep breath in, and exhale out. They’re practically at the edge of their seats, ready to fall off their freaking chairs as they wait for my very very sincere response. I take one last look around as I give the most laconic answer in the whole world: “I don’t know.”  I honestly get a real kick out of seeing their reactions. They stop chewing and look at me all incredulously like I have three heads or just kicked a puppy. I guess I understand. I think every sixteen or seventeen year old JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL should know what they want to do until they can no longer drink three Starbucks coffees in one day without going to the bathroom every five seconds. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE JUNIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND SHOULD KNOW THEIR ENTIRE DESTINY AND PURPOSE IN LIFE!!!!!!