Life is a diamond. No, it’s not shiny and expensive, but it’s multifaceted. There’s never just one way to see life. In fact, most of us see the events that unfold in today’s world in a biased perspective. Being an optimist means that you see the diamond of life as always pristine, glowing, and adamantine, which seems like a good idea. I mean, with all the negativity in the world, one would expect that the best way to counteract that negativity is to put a positive spin on things. But this leads to delusion, distorted views of the problem, and therefore, a solution that does little to nothing to fix said problem. It is a charade played by yourself, for yourself. And when that charade comes to an end, (and believe me it will,) all the emotions will come crashing down like a mile high wave, pummeling you with so much force you won’t be able to think. Doesn’t seem so positive to be so positive now, does it?
Nowadays, people want life to always be like the untouched, shimmering diamond they glance at when they’re shopping, taking a second look because it’s just that irresistible. They treat the problems and pain they go through as a blanket they’re trying to stuff inside a bag, lest it smothers them whole. That coping mechanism is known as “toxic positivity”, where one thinks that feeling bad is impermissible, and that they should always keep it under wraps. It is unhealthy, and stems from a few reasons. Toxic positivity in real life can be characterized with a few statements that I’m sure most, if not all of us have heard in our lives before. Such as, “Don’t dwell on it, focus on the positive; everything happens for a reason; it could have been a lot worse; there are others suffering much more, you have it great; it’ll all work out eventually”. Many of these are very common, and some seem like the perfect thing to say. But what all of these statements do is invalidate pain. It’s almost as if society stigmatizes suffering. Which sounds absolutely absurd, but is true.
No one likes to go through pain. It is different for everyone, and our society is still trying to come around to the fact that acknowledging your feelings is not weak in any sense of the word. Nor does it mean you’re ungrateful, dramatic, or selfish. Being too positive in situations does not help. It subdues negative emotions instead of allowing healing to occur. You are allowed to feel pain. And you should never feel ashamed for doing so.
Being an optimist is as debilitating as being a pessimist is. Like previously mentioned, there’s so much negativity in the world, and convincing yourself that there’s no solution, no way to fix what’s at hand leads you to have no hope for anything. There’s a powerful quote I heard when I was a kid that has forever stuck with me: “A man can go 4 weeks without food, 4 days without water, maybe 4 minutes without air. But 4 seconds without hope? Impossible.” Always expecting the worst-case scenario has been shown to lead to high levels of stress, bad coping mechanisms, and high levels of anxiety and depression. So how should we look at the task at hand?
Pain is a beautiful thing. I know, this sounds overly positive, but I implore you to think about it. It is a reminder that we are alive, a gift that many would wish to feel again. From the tiniest of ants, to the biggest of mammals, all of us feel pain. It is something that connects us, along with joy. And there are a plethora of juxtaposing elements in our daily lives, There’s light in dark, good in bad, hope in despair, and joy in pain. Pain brings us closer, and molds you into a stronger version of yourself. There is a Japanese technique called “Kintsugi”, where when a bowl or plate breaks, it is mended together with gold, making the dish stronger and better than it was before. Pain is similar. It breaks us, it chips us down into pieces of ourselves, it renders us unrecognizable. But the way we mend ourselves back together is through accepting that pain, and setting your lowest point as a metric, asking yourself everyday to always be above it. Of course, there is a balance. You should never wallow in pain, but rather, look at life as objectively as possible. “Okay, I’ve got this problem. I understand its severity, how it affects me. I’m allowed to feel how I feel, but now, I’m going to find a way to put this in the past.”
Sometimes, your diamond of life will be dull. It will have scratches, marks, and a layer of grime covering it that seems to coat your heart as well. But everything will change. The beauty of change is that the only thing stagnant about it is change itself. The world will keep spinning, the sun will always come up and go down, and by properly acknowledging your layer of grime and working to fix it, soon enough, it’ll be nothing more than a distant memory.
